TopsyTurvy

Now Im kind of new to this blog but I was at work today and came across a certain type of plant. The plant was called Topsy Turvy and the whole point of it was to grow tomatoes upside down so that it gets less harmful rays and tastes better in the long run... This got my mind wandering. Is your name TopsyTurvy because you are better tasting while hanging upside down because the sun's harmful rays are rough on your skin? I think i would love to test this theory...on you, Topsy Turvy using a Topsy Turvy. We could see which tastes better, the tomatoes or you!

Auditory Update 2

Auditory Updates will help your ears adjust to modern society by giving you something to listen to besides memories of the sweet Utahian wilderness.






Its been a while since the last update. So here are a couple of recent albums I've been bumping recently.


First up, John Dahlback's Winners & Fools. This comes from the 22 year old Swedish native who first started recording music when he was 15. Stylistically the album stays pretty close to Swedish-house/ electro-house genres, with a couple electropop numbers in there, here or there.

*Bonus*
Heres the video for the song Blink, a house banger. The video pretty much my life has become, school and raves. The song is not on the album.



Next, up is Matmos' Supreme Balloon. I'm not quite sure if this 7 song output would be considered an album or ep as it clocks in at about 45 mins. Nevertheless, theres some solid work here from them. The album fits in somewhere in between the idm/"listening techno" and straight electronic work from the 70s. The title track, is a 24 minute long, mini opus that would rival the growing beat-driven sound scapes of Jean-Michel Jarre, Tangerine Dream or Klaus Schulze. The rest of the work is some of the more melodic and straight electronic work Matmos has put out.

A favorite band of mine for sometime, Ladytron, just put out their new album, Velocifero. On their last album Witching Hour they added a bit more guitar work, but here their back to electro bangers. I can't say enough about how perfect Helen Marine's vocals perfectly fit the music of the band. They'll be in philly on Thursday June 26 with Datarock (ill definitely be there).


The last ablum is Stanogold's Selftitled. She's been getting a lot of comparison's to M.I.A. but this comparison can be slightly misleading. Some of the music on Santogold's album does mirror sound similar to an M.I.A. but there is a lot more variety musically. There are alot of people remixing her tracks too. Check out hypem.com to see some the more dancey mixes people have turned out from her tracks. Great album to start off the summer time vibe.





*There are plenty of places to find these on the nets, but if you want some tracks or to sample the album, drop a line in the comments.*

forever whatever.

whatever forever.

FUCK

scout, bri, brian, keith van horn

i just missed your phone call. got your message though and called back and left a message of my own. good to hear you are, in fact, alive and you seem to be having fun. the banjos in the background sounded like they were rippin through the utahian winds and sending tingles to cowboys toes. go sixers, right? go flyers, eh??? see you soon brother. let us know when you get in so we can meet you at the airport.

that last sentence was pointless because you wont see this until you are already home from the airport. lol~~!!!!~~

100

100










i win

?

99

rain

Today I decided to go to the gym

I was walking in the rain and thought of jim.

for some stupid reason i was trying to hide under my hood

little did i know that once i took it off it felt rather good.

I'm pretty sure i took an extra long route back to my car

I didn't realize that it really was freaking far.

I really hate that guy Jeremiah Wright

I'm pretty sure he isn't so bright.

I need to buy a new pair of sneaks

Oh SHIT, im done school in 2 weeks.

the next post will be number nighty-nine

i hope you are all doing just fine

I have 2 cases of beer

Someone come drink with me here.

Goodnight

sleep tight

Stay swervy,

TOPSYTURVY

Will's hungarian folk music-influenced youtube video of the week. (Only 3 more posts until the big one-zero-zero!)

I heard about Venetian Snares from my good friend, Evan Bernard, a.k.a. Bernie, a.k.a. Evan Beardnard, a.k.a. Hungarian Evan, a.k.a. Evan. We wanted to start a musical endeavor that incorporated Bela Bartok, IDM beats, and eardrum-splitting hardcore punk. However, minus the punk, someone already did it.

Aaron Funk, the Canadian musician that goes by the name Venetian Snares wrote an entire album about his journey to Hungary. The title is "Rossz Csillag Alatt Születtem" which means "I was born under the wrong star." All song titles are in Hungarian, and it contains tons of samples of Eastern European folk music.

This next ditty is titled "Szerencsétlen" (Unlucky) and samples Bela Bartok's 4th string quartet. Enjoy, and try not to have a seizure:

If you wanna ride....

Saturday night from my perspective....

The Phils

Hustle & Flow

Funk Parties on the Radio

Haverford

Sobriety

Hoedown

Shirtless Retard

Dunk Tank

Mummies

Ozzfest

Keg Stands

More radio dance parties

Pick up Seth at 2 45am

Start drinking in van at 3am

Underground hair/fashion shows

Igloos of plastic bottles

Freak Muthaf*#$as

Dancing

Dancing

Dancing

Pride

Dancing

Dancing

Dancing

Pride

Pride

Dancing

Dancing

Pride

McDonalds Breakfast

Anoop without nuggets

40s music

Repetition of songs

what i discovered this weekend

So what has my weekend taught me....

the essentials to life are....

lambsblood, gin buckets, i'm from barcelona, public/private intoxication, the 5-0, colt 45, sleep, caffeine, women, dancing, balloons, pizza, things associated with pizza, youtube videos, while you were in utah blogspot, trunks, pillows, and blankets.

Recurring feelings of loss

I hate to jump the gun on my weekend update, but my shredded memories of last night are teetering dangerously on the edge of the Void. After experiencing dual Philadelphia sport victories (there's always baseball) and a halfhearted attempt at playing beer hockey, we ended up inexplicably drawn to the Oasis. Burdened only with an ever-decreasing supply of 101 proof bourbon, I traveled to a surprisingly populated basement where I was complemented as a "real drinker" by a stranger. Gary and I manned the iPod and fended off ceaseless requests by foreigners for Nickelback.

Things begin to get hazy around this time, but eyewitness accounts say a girl used the age-old pickup line "what do you study?" on me and I left the party with her. This entire time I was experiencing a nagging feeling of incompleteness. We skipped the formalities and went straight into a deep discussion about the nature of being and the state of America. Time skips forward and I find myself sitting in grass, still talking about the concept of self and existence. Eventually, we part ways and I'm standing on a street corner in the light rain waiting to cross the street. The mystery girl comes running back to me and we kiss like it's a scene in a movie. It's at this time that I realize I haven't been wearing a shirt for the last hour and some kind of hard-wired emotional self preservation reflex kicks in and tells me to go to the B-Lud. Thankfully, the bourbon ensured that memory of any insults hurled my way for being shirtless were sloughed off into the Void.

This morning the lady at the lunch truck gave me a free banana and I watched Dirty Dancing.

Sometimes, life is BETTER than a movie!

Almost Adulthood

Today I finished classes for my junior year. After next week's exams ill be a senior. What the fuck.

My Last Night Was a Swirling Hurricane of Debauchery

As I sit on my couch listening to Hall & Oates, I begin to recall the events that defined my last night, certainly one of the more fun experiences over the past month...

It all begins when turvy arrived at my house a little before 7pm.  Being as that we are men our first step in the adventure was to stop at Chili's for some food, flyers, and margaritas.  After a quality meal we left with a little buzz and a roar of excitement that the flyers had a 2-0 lead, and were assured a victory.  (They lost)

Our walk down to the church was pleasant, but upon arrival we found that the line to get in was wrapping well around the whole block, so we had time to kill.  Turvy went to Wawa and purchased the gatorade and juice for mixers, while I ran to Wines & Spirits and bought a bottle of Laird's Vodka mere minutes before closing.  Half of this bottle was consumed in the next 45 minutes.

We finally arrive at the show, seeing good friends such as Harrison, my neighbor Jeff, and Stingray.  This jubilation of a show led to the impulse buy of kazoos by both myself and turvy.  These would prove to be important parts of the later night.  But I digress....  The opening act was the lovely and talented Pepi Ginsburg.  Very impressive and fun show.  She definitely put the crowd in the mood for I'm From Barcelona.  If only the Colt was there.

Colt arrives, slightly blitzed from his post dress rehearsal drinking, as the first notes of Treehouse are being played by the roughly 15-piece band.  Balloons are flying all over the room, and confetti is raining from the heavens.  After the first song their lead singer looked out amongst the sweating crowd and declared "SOMETIMES LIFE IS BETTER THAN A MOVIE!"  Easily the best live show I have seen in the first third of 08, a relatively slow concert season.  The show left us with a sense of joy, and heavy intoxication.  We walked back to University City to rendezvous with The Goob, Windfall, and Barr.  The Goob was MIA, so we bought some cups at the Fresh Grocer for beer pong in the oasis.

Me and turv were on a tear winning 3 games in a row, and getting massively intoxicated.  This is where the night takes a swing for the legendary.  The walk from the Oasis to the B Lud.  DISCLAIMER**** The next paragraph is an interpretation of the night as it was explained to me later, I was at this point lost in the void and merely acting as a slave to my vodka laced beer.

Me and turv take out our kazoos and parade down Spruce Street as if it's New Years Day.  Striking a sense of joy to the street, everyone joins in on the kazoo playing as if its a siren calling to a depressed city demanding that we all celebrate.  The culmination of this city-wide love fest is an old man who is enthralled by our kazoo performance.  We begin to circle him and serenade him as if we are two whimsical pan's attempting to summon a demon spirit from deep within his tired soul.  (See caption above)

(Insert missing paragraph here)

I wake up to a beautiful day, and an incredible lunch with windfall and the beautiful ladies of 4039 Sansom Street.  Life is good.  I love Hall & Oates.

Once a week, after 12:00pm on Thursdays.

I don't go to Penn

But I have some friends who do.

Please stop jaywalking.

Now this is some ballsy biking.

I'm not sure if anyone other than username -x-windfall-x- and I will appreciate this, but this is some insane punk rock biking. OFF THE PIGS!!!!!!!!!

Http Ha-Ha's

porn and barbra

so what has today culminated to?  a lot of crazy shit.  facebook has no more rules, it thinks that you can stalk anyone, i love it and hate it.  their new use of facebook aim is ridiculous.  but im excited to see the new group of people who are willing to talk to me...which is probably half the world.   today in ethics we're talking porn. yeah straight up dirty sex.  tomorrow i'm going to see we're from barcelona.  by the way i need a date for prom... i'll figure it out, i know so many of you ladies out there are waiting on my decision, i really feel like harry potter in the 4th movie. but anyway, ethics and pornography. i talked to chuck today.  he's doing well.  fuck the police and video radar, this is in reference to my 100 dollar speeding ticket through washington dc while on our way to overtaking william and mary, go pikachu. So i watched this movie the other day and the moral i got out of it is don't fuck over your boss, but when you do, kick it and kick it hard, and to go the extra mile whenever, wherever.  

i rock out to barbra streisand.

shimmy and shake kids,

topsyturvY

ATTENTION LADIES....

Look No Further!

 

The story of how I climbed thru your window at 4:00 AM.

My most recently blog-able escapades involve another one of the incredible saturdays that I've been having as of late. As a forward it should be noted that I lost use of my phone last monday (4/14) to unknown technological issues. This has not resulted in total immersion into the void, only a brief engagement into social-voidom.

Friday:
Nevertheless, along with windfall, hawkeye, and cnaeus, I managed to make it up to lehigh for friday evening. Here is a brief list of things about the trip:

• NO long car ride there
• NO automobile break downs
• NO visit to Grue Village
• NO overnights in a sorority house
• NO one got on the bus (or had a need to)
• I did develop a strange affliction to the sound of bells
  

We ventured home that evening and arrived at the graveyard at approximately 3:00AM

Saturday:
After breakfast windfall, hawkeye and myself drove cnaeus' car (sans cnaeus) to sojo and went to the gym.
I split ways with them, as I was planning on going to a friend's house for a small social gathering atop her roof. Earlier in the week windfall and I recorded a mix for her as I thought it would make a birthday gift for her (i hope she likes it :) ). You can download it here. Arriving to the event provided some challenge as I had no way of contacting her from the ground below. Luckily people still have doorbells.
The evening was quite entertaining. But the most memorable moment at the house was when one of the "guests" mentioned how he recently meet a "girl" on second life and was drive to a midpoint destination, the capital to meet her the following weekend. And by recently meet her I mean he joined four days prior and liked her avatar. Internet social networking thats not grounded IRL is bizarre.
After a call to windfall from a pay-phone, g&t's in the park, and several beers I left with my friend to attend an Acid house and electro night in East Germany (Del Ave). This was on par with my previous experience at the same location (you can read about that here).

Madness:
I had known that this night might not have the same vibe that was laid out during the time I had seen daniel bell there but I certainly couldn't have predicted this. Intially, upon entering there were a total of 6 people in the main room (a door man, two djs, an unnecessary sound engineer, and two floor-standers. There may have been more as the occasional inoculated-european-lost-in-philadelphia-dance- zombie did meander in and out.)
We sat in the corner of the room which was only lit this time by the occasional sliver of moonlight the snuck in through the window and some sort of psychedelic light emanating from beneath the dj table. We drank pinters of PBR and listened to some incredible acid house and later house music about house music.

I tried again to contact windfall with no avail. And upon returning to the main room I notice that quite the crowd had built up. Then out of seemingly nowhere, a young woman showed up with not one.....not two...... not three..... but four hula hoops! And after situating three of them she fiddled around with the one until it started to shed a four colored led ophthalmic bonanza.

At this point we fully embraced the dance floor. This carried on until approximately 3:30AM. After driving my friend home, I decide I would stay at the graveyard (not realizing what time it was). I tried ringing and knocking on the door for about 15 minutes or so and then had an idea. I walked over to the ledge where I climbed up before and attempted to get grip. Well, that didn't work so well at first. Eventually I Stalloned my way up to the roof. Luckily your window was opened and I landed softly on your bed.

How did I get here

The past few weeks have been a chemical haze punctuated by trips to the gym. Since starting work, I have little or no impetus to spend my weekends in any state but egregiously drunk. This situational predisposition to bacchanalian revelry has worked out well in the interest of extraordinary weekends. Notable occurances include:
- Burning Andrew Barr's shirt
- Blacked-out conversations about the future of medicine and humanity (longer than an hour)
- Extremely late nights for no reason whatsoever
- Seeing Dave Nada in a basement
- Getting weed so powerful that it invokes an involuntary drooling response when smoked
I'm sure there's a hundred other things that I've been a part of in the past weeks that are infinitely more interesting than those listed but most of my memories are lost in the Void (a complex and interesting concept outlined by my former lab partner from Sudan named Mustafa in the succinct and repeated phrase “there seems to be a void”). We once lost Chris Howard in the void and triangulated its location to somewhere near the airport, but upon searching the area from the safety of an automobile Mr. Howard could not be located and when he contacted us on his own accord he had no memory of being in the Void. As we continue to study the Void, it is becoming increasingly unclear what exactly the Void is and what it (or HE?) is capable of.

rainy bike rides

What a great weekend.  

Yesterday I got to hit up the phillies game, visit the graveyard, sing kelly clarkson, dance, and ultimately end the night by making rahman noodles.  This morning continued the awesome string of events, as I woke up at 12 you called as i was coming out of my drunken stupor, the only thing that could have made the morning any better was a glorious bike ride around the main line, this was an excellent decision, I didn't even mind the fact that it ended up downpouring for several minutes on my ride, I think it made it that much better.  I got a breakfast sandwich at the bakery and the continued on with my ride, the day has led me to the gym and now on to work.  

Life is good.

Shimmy and Shake,

Topsyturvy

i never thought i could have that much fun with rum

so last night was a john, tim, joe, jess night with some mishik and bob. we played quarters with bacardi superior and topped off the handle, like old times on zip zap thursdays. during the game, mishik dropped his power animal in my drink and then stuck his hand into my drink to save it, spilling it everywhere. by the end of the game, two power animals and three quarters found their way into mishik's cup and we had managed to consume 6 bags of tim's popcorn. tim blew my mind with some fucked up robot shit that i don't want to get into (gary proceeded to climb through your window at 4 in the morning. he thanks you for leaving it open. 

i never thought i could have that much fun with rum.

terrible

while you were in utah, tim purwin made me feel like jesus death.

Random Celebrity Facts

It's a beautiful day in the 'Burg...

And that could only mean one thing. Fire up the grill, fill up the baby pool, gather up all your loose change. It's time for a Colt 45 BBQ.

Thursday afternoon haiku part 3

Soda spills are bad

When they stain your favorite pants.

The gift of the gods.

moon

hey scout, 

me and bull ruth were wondering if you're looking at the same moon we are right now thinking exactly what we're thinking. 

just checking in.

that g*lll is smoking

only a certain few can fully appreciate how much this link relates to me. take a quick look and maybe you too could understand what it was like to walk down to the han and hear me say the title. Those who were with me still do not know what I was actually talking about and I will not disclose this information to anyone. Good Day.


http://www.snorgtees.com/hotgrillongrillaction-p-338.html

Caffeine and the year of the POTATO

This week I am dedicating to the sole ingredient that has maintained alertness and eradicated drowsiness in moments of desperate need, caffeine. It's in time of cram sessions and late night work sessions that I make this blog worthy.  The only downside is you might lay awake in bed after the fact for 30+ minutes.  Speaking of this downside, it might just be this week's pet peever as well.

By the way, on my last run last night at around 1:30 I got pulled over for driving with my high beams on...What the fuck is that?...First of all I turned them on turning onto a side street and the cop had nothing better to do than waste my time and give me a warning saying that we talked, do I really care for this unnecessary piece of paper regarding my drowsy conversation with a police officer at 2 in the morning.

My new favorite sandwich is the double eggplant parmesan, my new favorite attire is sandals with gym shorts and a sweatshirt.  This works if it's 45 degrees in the morning or 70 degrees in the afternoon.  

Today my extra credit question on one of my test was "2008 is year of what food"....thanks to our glorious new years celebrations, yours truly knew that it is clearly the year of the POTATO

shimmy and shake,

TOPsyturvy

TorieTabloid.org -- Post 4

One of my spies (Johnny Beerseed) has been keeping tabs on Tories for the past few days. Here, I pass on to the world his report.

Today is one of those days were there is no exciting news; however, I have a few juicy bits about some of our founding fathers.

PATRICK HENRY was arrested last night for Riding Under the Influence (doesn't he know that they always put up cattle guards as a road block from drunken riders on Thirsty Tuesday?). He was picked up off of DOG street, swerving on his trusty steed. He failed to submit to a sobreity test and was put in the stocks until 9 am. When he was released, he had the odd scent of cabbage on him...was it the wig makers new scent, "Humiliation?" Or was it Bruton Parish Church's, "Essence of Judgement?"

In other news, THREE UNIDENTIFIED MEMBERS OF THE HOUSE OF BURGESSES were spotted running away from a good ol' barreler of a party. The British soliders were unable to catch up with them due to their necessity to stay in formation. However, when they went back to the house for evidence, they found 4 barrels of meade and evidence of a possible game of shillings. Too bad those coins didnt make it to the taxing bin of King George.

Lastly, GEORGE WASHINGTON was found attempting to steal Jerky from Ye Ol' Wawa. When caught by the Torries, he was questioned, at which point he said he could not tell a lie and stated that he was, in fact, guilty. With this just in time for the race for the position of general, will his Tory opponent defeat him or will he prevail still not having the teenager vote? Everyone loves a bad ass.

Well, thats all the news from this lovely city that I abide in...I hope that General Mosby hasn't been hitting any other generals on the ass anymore.

Signing off,
The best point of the three-cornered hat of TorieTabloid spies,
Johnny Beerseed

A tribute

As a tribute to the namesake of this blog, I am posting some words of the beloved mountain man himself that I came across today: 

creepy lodgepole forest

think alike, dont skip

telephone conversations

drunken brown sweaters

sleepy cursed drinkers

eat with your eyes

and drown your sweat

words wont freeze on refridgerators

it will never be cold enough

back to philadelphia

the construction was false

the notepad is thinning

she was grinning

and i was rising tall

the laughter was thick

and so were my dreams

vibrations were heavy

the blue was square

let it swallow shallow fishes

ill serve you several dishes

and die in a small quiet pew

endlessly molding dicks of schonkinite

(the end)

As I walk down Pattison Ave....

Let's not kid ourselves living in Philadelphia can certainly have its downsides.  The murders, the crack, the loss of national capital status, the lack of quality in The Roots last 2 albums, and of course the perennial losers that we call the Eagles, Sixers, Flyers, and Phillies.  The 4 teams combine for 100 seasons since our last championship won by the 76ers in 1983.  Yet somehow this decrepit/downtrodden city still goes by the name of "Brotherly Love."  Few and far between are the times where a 'delphian can truly experience that love.

But tonight as I walked down Pattison Avenue, perhaps the greatest exchange of brotherly love took place.  Mere minutes after the Phillies came from behind to win 4-3 in the bottom of the 9th, their neighbors The Flyers finished up a 6-3 routing to go up 2-1 in their playoff series.  We were each walking as mobs in separate directions, but everyone was shouting at elation at the top of their lungs.

The ride home on the newly renamed Septa Death Bus matched this admiration for the city we sometimes reluctantly call home.   Cheers for the only offs-season team...The iggles raged throughout the subway car, as their were games a plenty, and adults swinging from the rafters as if they were monkeys.  I could only think of 5 words to describe my feelings toward my Philadelhia Bretherin......

YES I DO!!

Weekend Words

Following what most will agree was the third straight bender, I'm too exhausted to write a detailed description of the events that transpired. Here is a smattering of words that should paint the (blurry) weekend picture.

- Beers
- Fling
- The Phils
- Beers
- Power Hour
- The Oasis
- Burning Shirt
- Shirtless Men
- Beers
- Records
- Beers
- Grilling
- Energy Drinks
- Kicking Things
- More Fling
- Hawaiian Shirts
- Beers
- Bull Ruth's Lost Phone
- Park Walks
- Stolen Taxicab Rides
- Loving Life

Green

As the countless masses toke up the green on this holiday I just thought I'd post this link about our green planet.

http://www.earthday.net/footprint/

Enjoy the weather.
Take a bike ride.

sweet dreams

good night.

oh, great. a bear with a bo staff

the most dangerous mammal

torietabloid.org -- Post 3

Well, apparently it was a wild weekend in Torie Land. That said...I give you the newest happenings in the CW. Who doesn't like a good dose of drama?

ALEXANDER HAMILTON got tanked at the Shield's Tavern and ended up getting a RUI (Riding Under the Influence) and charges of assault and horse-thievery. After a wild night out with the boys, Hammy decided that it was best to go home after he peed in the fireplace. The stable boy refused him to give him his horse -- somehow the complicated series of jockey impersonations did not convince the kid that Hammy was still good to ride. However, if this guy can take a bullet, he can take on a stable boy: Hammy used his silver pint mug to knock out the kid. He then hopped on a noble steed and rode (I use this term loosely) away. Too bad it wasn't his horse. The Governor's Guard caught up with him while he was riding down Duke of Gloucester St. Apparently they had set up a road block and were pulling over all men riding their horse backwards. Personally, I think that's profiling.

Alexander Hamilton wasn't the only one to get an RUI this weekend. After a Torie bartender tried to cut off PAUL REVERE at John's Pub, Paul got very pissed about the British Invasion and started riding around town, yelling that "I am tired of these mother-fucking Tories in my mother-fucking town!" A member of the Governor's Guard was able to stop him/knock him off the horse by throwing a lantern at Paul. Said the guardsman, "Well, if I recall correctly, I'm supposed to use one if by land."

Apparently, BENJAMIN FRANKLIN wasn't pleased about not getting tail with Debbie or any of his one-night stands this weekend. After getting drunk with Hammy on Saturday night, Ben was walking home and passed a pumpkin patch on the way. After finding a pumpkin that suited his "need," he cut a hole and went to town. He didn't notice one of the aforementioned Governor's guards coming up to him. After the guard yelled at him to stop and get away from the pumpkin, Ben stood up, looked at the cop, looked back to the pumpkin, then looked at the cop straight in the eye and responded, "Fuck. Is it midnight already?" He is being charged of public intoxication, adultery, and indecent exposure.

Don't do snuff.

lambsblood27

Oh to be flung/retro-pop culture revolution pt 2

so we did it.  we flung ourselves, some of us more than others, and none of us in any particular direction.  there were stops aplenty along the path to our self-deprecating destruction... the fantasy land known to some as the oasis, the quadrangle, the deck, margaritaville, of course the b-lud, the floor.  we met some interesting characters along the way as well - from afroman to luda to the better p-tulli.  but after all was said and done, i could not have asked for a more perfect ending then the beautiful display of athletic ability i witnessed at 2pm this very afternoon... the broad street bullies are back.  led by the fearless fisherman mr. mike richards and the iron wall netminder marty biron, the flyers put an old-fashioned philly-style beat down on the ruski-loving traitors from our nation's capital.  i have not been this pumped up to watch grown men beat each other senseless in freezing conditions since our last bout of rumble in the bronx some 4 years ago.  this team reminds me of a simpler time when a legion of doom was not a crappy metal band from jersey but three hard-as-nails men who could wield their sticks and throw their weight around (no homo).  i put down the many cups of beer i drank this weekend in hot pursuit of another much shinier drinking implement.  i look forward to another inspiring demonstration on tuesday night, skating under the south philadelphia sky.  

i figure everyone already knows this video
but just in case, here's the best video to ever be put on the internet

TorieTabloid.org -- Post 2

Hello Torie Watchers,

Before I begin vith our latest update. I vould like to add that in addition to the elimination of the letter "x" and the "ph" spelling, I vill also be replacing "w" vith "v" and "k" or "s" will be used in place of the hard or soft "c" (That's vat she said).

I spent last veekend up in the frosty North and vat vonders I saw in the way of Torie happenings!

Vo's that? Oh, it's BEN FRANKLIN. Again, that snuffed-up boozehound is sneaking out of somebody's vindov. I vonder vo it is now! Ben, Ben, Ben...Deborah vill not be happy! And Benny Boy, you need to stop vith the snuff or you vill veigh 95 pounds and live nekst to the trash kans of Kristiana Kampbell's Tavern.

Give me liberty or give me...rum? Is PATRICK HENRY really taking part in the trans-Atlantic, all-Karribbean Pirate rum trade? Yes. He is. Vell, I'm more of the vodka type, myself, but I kan see how dealing vith krazy King George kan get you jonesing for a pick-me-up.

RUFUS KING vas spotted speaking vith Tories! Ve all know him as a desire-ee to sign on to that spesial artikle that is being vritten by our favorite Torie-haters, but is he aktually a turncoat? I hope not! I hate those lobsterbaks!

Vat? JOHN HANKOK signing taks forms? I'm sad to say...yes. So much for "no taksation vithout representation," you double-sided svine.


In the vords of the great General George Washington, "It's 3:45 and I'm slightly buzzed."

Lambsblood27

hello letter

dear scout,

As we wander aimlessly around the streets of philadelphia or surrounding campuses, we all dwell over the adventures that we are currently experiencing.  But little to our knowledge is your grand march through the desert/mountains...you might run into obstacles such as hairy women, cartoon singing snakes, nostalgic cacti, and hungry hippos.  I must remind you that these roadblocks are only temporary and means to an end (Imanuel Kant).  Your fight to live long and strong lives through all of us.  We will not let you down, for we have gathered members around the world to fight for our cause...(virginia pretty much).  Stay safe and warm, and for god's sake...DONT EAT THE YELLOW SNOW!

shimmy and shake brother,

topsyturvy

THANK YOU

SO.  yesterday i made my phone ring "it's a beautiful morning"  and i underestimated the perfect timing of the culinary colt.  who made my morning one of the best ever.  not did i only wake up to the surprising tune from the rascals, but i find out i recovered my camera case which has been lost since the infamous wing bowl fiesta...BEWARE BLOGGERS...topsyturvy has his camera case back, this can only mean one thing....expect lots of pictures to come.

thank you culinary colt for making my morning in more than one way.

i love spring fling.

shimmy and shake,

topsyTURVY

philadelphia freedom...i loOoOoOve you

I'd like to continue dragonlord_1942;s post about Thursday afternoons and free shows to likable bands.
Tonight, the entire block on 13th st between sansom and walnut was blocked off for the Sailor Jerry sponsored free show featuring Philadelphia's own Paint it Black.
I was expecting it to be pretty cool - a bunch of kids singing along on a sidewalk in center city. It more than exceeded my expectations. At least 300, maybe even 500 people showed up and flooded the block scaring off any normal person in sight. The corner spot, an upscale Mexican restaurant even received its very own fuck you chant, with kids screaming "fuck el vez, fuck el vez" and so on.
Definitely one of the coolest shows I've ever been to and definitely a monument in philadelphia hardcore history.
Even if you're not interested in punk/hardcore, I'd still recommend watching these two videos from tonight.

"Past Tense, Future Perfect"
http://youtube.com/watch?v=TduoTksk_-c


"Pink Slip"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vt9hSgIUwQc

Laughable Laws

Sorry Winnie Lighner, not if you're in Pennsylvania.  This week's laughable law comes straight from our very own Keystone State.  It is illegal to sing in  the bathtub within state borders.  I have done very little research on this law, since I am not a credible writer...but I'm wondering if this law is also applicable to singing in the shower.  If so, my usual Natasha Bedingfield/Prince/Hall & Oates morning sing-a-longs will most certainly be a crime against our fair state.  Well I for one will be rebelling against this law and singing as I please, even if that does mean being dragged out in handcuffs...suds and all.

Thursday afternoons can only mean one thing...

Free shows make me glad

Mostly because I don't pay

to see the bands, yo.

thursday afternoons

After a pretty busy week, I sit here contemplating while listening to frampton, what comes next??

And if you're interested then; this weekend entails a water polo game, 2 nights of work, a little spring fling, a bar or 2, a powerpoint presentation, some studying, probably some more frampton (I'm totally listening to it the next time in the car). 

There's been some things that I need to get out which I haven't had the chance to express just yet.

Pet peeves...I hate them and they bother me more than anything. Here's my latest pet peevers.

1) cars double parked...particularly when your campus parking lot is small as f*** and there's like 2 open spots in the entire lot.  I'm sure you center city folk can relate.

2)facebook event invitations from DeeGottaGrill Williams....if you send me one more I'm defriending you....bottom line.

3)When you wake up in the morning, your apartment is cold, so you get ready for the day, expecting it to be cold, but then you walk outside and the sun is right in your face yelling ITS 70 DAMN DEGREES....then i sweat my ass off.

4)refilling your car gas tank/ridiculously high priced gas.  what happened to the good old days when a gallon of gas costed a dollar. WTF?!?

5)empty boxes of food...if it's empty, don't get my hopes up and leave it out, if it's still in the cabinet it should be full, don't tease me.

6)socks that don't match

7)songs on your itunes that can't be located....c'mon they were there once, where'd they go?

8)low battery warnings...if it's on the computer or your cell phone, they suck

Shimmy and Shake, 

TOPSYturvy

Fuck you, work week.

Since I finally have some time alone in my office, I figured I might as well take a break from reading Wikipedia articles to blog something. I think I've been experiencing a tremendous shock to my lifestyle over the past two weeks--what the fuck is up with waking up at 6:45 every morning? This PROHIBITIVELY EARLY wake-time has been creeping into my evenings and forcing me to go to bed well before midnight, which is really out of the realm of my comprehension. I've been spending most of my work days dazed and staring at pages of words, my eyes desperately trying to shovel buckets of information into the smoking wreckage of my brain. I've spent most of thismorning watching videos like the one below on Youtube and its new, up-and-coming competitor VIMEO since my office is empty and I don't have to listen to sports radio or absurd racist diatribes from my boss.




I think a large part of my complete and utter exhaustion stems from the fact that I'm riding about 50 miles a week on my bike, for the most part on Kelly Drive in the afternoon. Kelly Drive in the afternoon has become a hellish place as a result of the advent of high school crew season. I wouldn't be surprised if one of these days I plow through a pack of midpubescent boys at 30mph, killing two or three of them.

I NEED SPRING FLING
NOW

Wednesday = The Weirdness

I've been overcome with the weirdness today.  I can't put my finger on it, but it may have started sometime after I came home from Minus The Bear... this was roughly 12:30am.  Everything was normal, but it didn't feel normal.  This led to what I self-diagnosed as...THE WEIRDNESS.  I had it bad.  I stayed up until 4:30 doing homework, and I didn't even have class today.  Then I was woken up by the sound of an instant message at 9:30.  I couldn't go back to sleep, for I had the weirdness...

I sat around my house all day to the humming of the frantic sounds of poster conspiracies, hospital ongoings, and nothingness... all at the same time.  My audible diet was a steady repetition of M83, Joe Purdy, and Jens Lekman.  This only made matters worse.  I started cooking stir fry for the Goob, but I was focusing on things outside of this realm.  This ended me with enough chicken, broccoli, cauliflower, and uncooked carrots for two, but enough rice and peas for the entire Southern half of Bangladesh.  This mound of stir fry was the pinnacle of my affliction.  The Goob and I sat and explained pleasantries and plans while I t

ried to get to the bottom of my condition.

I went to the basketball courts and let my mind wander as my game was AI-esque.  I eventually became grounded in reality.  I never did find the cause of this weirdness, which probably means that it will return when least expected, but for now I will rest my head and try not to dream.

adorable

* Baby Puppy Dreaming *


this makes me happy

Ok, so, I don't know if you heard but there were two pretty big robberies in my hometown of Medford, NJ within the past week. This is extremely exciting for all the rich housewives because now they have something to gossip about for at least an entire month. But, anyway, I guess one of the house just had a bunch of jewelry stolen from them and the other house had a ton of expensive gear jacked.

Fast forward to early this afternoon. I'm driving back to school from home after enjoying a delicious, unique, cheesesteak from Donkeys Too in Medford. I had never heard of it until Glen Macnow of 610 WIP went on a hunt for the greatest cheesesteak in the area and listed it at #11. ANYWAY, I pull up to the intersection at Rt. 73 and Evesham Rd. right next to the promenade and in the lane next to me, in one of those big all white windowless vans is this late 20s white guy flailing his arms around like he just don't care and looking straight at me. I roll down my windows and he starts talking at me real fast and all crazy-eyed saying "DUDE, DUDE, CRAZY QUESTION BUT I GOT THIS $3,000 SPEAKER SET UP IN THE BACK OF MY VAN YOU WANT IT???" I'm sitting there trying to make sense of what he's saying to me and figure that something's a little fishy about the situation so I politely decline. He comes back saying "COME ON YOU CANT EVEN OFFER SOMETHING REAL LOW? I GOT THIS FOR FREE AND I DONT WANT IT NO MORE." Again, I politely decline saying I'm broke as a joke and can't even offer a dollar. So he accepts that I won't be buying anything from him and says "Alright, alright..... you want a blonde with big tits?" "What the hell are you talking about?" I say to him and he's like "A blonde...with big tits." So i laugh and say sure and he goes "Alright, I just gotta blow her up." He proceeds to laugh uncontrollably and drives off, for the light had turned green.

Blogspot police, is this our suspect??

04.08.08

today is a great day.  everyone should just come on  and shout.

Shimmy and Shake, 

topsytuvry

Tuesday afternoon English translations of Hungarian poetry

Here is an excerpt from the poem Nagyon Fáj (It Deeply Hurts) by Attila József. Needless to say, it's a lot better in Hungarian, but whatev. Enjoy.

...Come and help!
you little boys, let your eyes
burst where she passes by.

Innocents
squeal under boots
and say to her: it deeply hurts.

Faithful dogs
get under wheels
and bark at her: it deeply hurts.

Women
big with child: abort
and sob to her: it deeply hurts.

You whole and sound ones
fell over and break your bones
and mumble to her: it deeply hurts.

You men,
who have torn at each other for women,
don't hold it back but say: it deeply hurts.

Horses, bull
who are being castrated to draw the yoke
cry out to her: it deeply hurts.

Mute fish
get caught on hooks under the ice
and gape up at her: it deeply hurts.

All living things
everything, which quivers with pain:
the place where you live, the garden should burn;

with charred bodies
as she falls asleep
come to her bed and yelp with me: it deeply hurts.

Make her hear this
as long as she lives
for caprice, her own worth she has denied

without-within
from the living fugitive
the very last refuge she has deprived.

:(

my new job

So I started my new job last night.  Delivering food for the MainLine hot spot.  Makes pretty good money which I especially need right now after several trips around the country throwing bangors.  Yes i'm talking about the visit's to viral incubus, throwed off (who fails to comment), and lambsblood.  Not to even mention the numerous benders happening at the graveyard or the b-lud.  

Oh yeah, Kansas won the national championship last night, just to let you know, not that I think you would've cared anyway.  

Hope the back-country is treating you well.  Keep on trucking buddy-

Shimmy and Shake,

TopSyTURVy

March Gladness Results

Everyone spent all March with their eyes/ears glued to the college basketball world.  With Kansas's win tonight here were the final results for the stupid 16...

1) Vibrate My Hamster

2) Woody

3) Windfall

4) The Stallion

5) Michael McDonald

6) Cnaeus Victor

7) Andy Bergbauer

8) Shermanator

9) Bull Ruth

10) Bowl

11) Waldo

12) Topsy Turvy

13) Hawkeye (me)

14) Your Sister

15) Viral Incubus

16) The Culinary Colt

cheese ritz bitz + the goob = greasy-haired man magnet

so apparently this is the week for goobergrape to be creepily approached by hideous strangers. if you haven't read the previous post about my nyc man, do it now. anyway.. yesterday was a typical day. after a night of heavy boozing and a bit of foozing, i spent my sunday morning at the infamous hang-over spot (or still-drunk-from-the-night-before spot), izzy and zoe's. i ate my scrumptious bagel sandwich and hopped back in bed to watch some lifetime original movies/shake the lingering drunkenness. i finally arose in the early evening to prepare myself for the Owen show. 

as i headed down to the church, i decided i was in need of a snack, so i picked up some cheese ritz bitz at wawa and continued on. i get to the venue and hang out for a bit with my cheese and cracker heaven, minding my own business, when along comes a guy, wearing a van halen tee, with hair longer than mine that looked like a bucket of oil was poured onto it. he taps me on the shoulder and says "hey" (gestures to the ritz bitz bag) "can i have one?" reluctantly, i say "yeah sure.." and before i could even continue he sticks his hand (nails with black dirt underneath them) into the bag. so i say "go ahead, you can have them." obviously the bag was contaminated with who knows what so i didn't want anymore, but apparently he thought i was trying to spark conversation. so i'm stuck with a greasy long-haired guy standing next to me the whole night trying to continue to converse. i guess i should have bought the peanut butter ritz bitz instead.. yeah.. i definitely would have been free from that creep show. next time i'll know better.

Only in Philadelphia

As another weekend full of fooseball, friends, and fun came to an end, I woke up with what could only be described as a case of the Mondays.  A day full of dish washing and laundry folding, with mild dosages of homework would have been a nice relaxing day, had it not been for the four-hours of trying to distinguish the slurred words of a stuttering Indian TA, better known Economics class, that followed.  My feelings could be best summed up by Joe Purdy...

However, it was to my pleasant surprise that for the second week in a row class was let out early....after only 25 minutes.  I used the extra time to stop by the book store and pick up my B Law Text, and a stick of deodorant.  After this purchase, I began my usual strut down Chestnut Street towards the Little Patch of Heaven known as the B Lud.  My first out of the ordinary sighting was of an exuberant young couple playing with a new puppy on a field.  This sighting brightened up my day, but only about 10% as much as their public display of admiration for each other sickened me.  The world was not this happy, and I knew something along my walk would prove this theory to be true.

A safe bet for such anger was of course in front of Club Atlantis, formerly Club Wizzard's...a strip club under a Chili's restaurant with a lunch special around the corner from my house.  A drunken unkempt white man was being thrown out, and stormed across the busy street while shouting back at a well-dressed African-American.  I was only a witness for a brief few moments of this excursion, but my experience begins as another much older black man (see picture above, but replace hat with fading blue cap with a bald eagle on the front)  looks over at me and begins to comment on the situation...

"He betta not say the N-Word...If he say the N-Word, you know that there's gonna be bout 15 boys running out of the corners to beat his ass." - Him

"Haha" - Me (as I remove my headset)

"You know better not to shout out the N-Word... Don't ya?" - Him

"Yeah, but I'm not really they type to drunkenly stumble out of a strip club at 6:30 on a Monday." - Me

"Haha, yeah.  I only go for the $5 cheesesteaks!" - Him

"Ha" - Me (as I awkwardly laugh back, hoping to have not offended him)

"Hahaha, I'm just pulling your shit...I guess you only see things like this in America. Haha" - Him

"Only in Philadelphia" - Me

great/creepy website

http://cubo.cc/

I can take the subway to west philly again!!!!

Thanks to these brave volunteers calling themselves "The Guardian Angels" I can now safely ride the subway again and save tons of money on gas and parking tickets!!!

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23868925/

saucy sunday

So I just made some great cappellini with a good sauce and little ground beef.  Pretty good dinner and pretty good day.  Did some homework to start off the day, then had to go get some turkey clubs for ref's at the water polo tourney which I then scored some high school games, got a work out in and finished up the day with some brett michaels and celebrity fit club (yes i'm destroying my mind one half hour at a time).

peace out homies.

shimmy and shake,

ToPSYTUvY

The story of how I accidentally tear-gassed my aunt at 3 am.

One thing you need to know about Hungary, is that there are tons of nationalist skinheads who hate foreigners (mostly gypsies, Asians, and now, thanks to good 'ol Gerorge W, us Americans) and it's practically illegal to carry handguns. So since I've had a few minor encounters with nazi skins in Budapest before, I thought I'd get some pepper spray to keep 'em away. After some research and a quick trip to ebay, I managed to find a can that was legal in Hungary, and ordered it. It was going to ship to my aunt's house. However, it never crossed my mind that other than mailing it, there is no way to get the spray to Hungary. It can't go in my carry-on bag on the plane because it's a weapon, and it can't go in my checked luggage, because it's pressurized. So I couldn't take it with me.
So I went to my aunt's house for the first time since I ordered it, and opened it up, checked it out, and thought I'd figure out how it works, so I went in to the upstairs bathroom (the one my aunt doesn't ever use) and opened the window. I didn't want to go all the way outside to test it out, so I figured I'd just test it inside. I could just leave the room, close the door and let it air out if it was too strong. So I sprayed a short burst in to the sink to see if and how it works. Little brown specks shot in to the water in the sink, and after a few seconds I started coughing a little, so I left the room, closed the door, and went back to my bedroom to let the bathroom air out.
Now, none of this would have been a problem, right? The bathroom would air out in a few minutes, I could go back in, take a shower, and go to bed. However, this was not the case. I hear footsteps coming up the stairs, and I assume it's my aunt coming upstairs to say hi to her nephew who crashed her house unannounced at 3 am on a Saturday. My assumption was wrong. She walked right past my door and walked straight in to the bathroom. I hear the door close, and lots of coughing. So I go out and knock on the door to tell my aunt to get out. She keeps asking why she should come out, and why she's coughing, and tells me she doesn't want to come out because she has to use the bathroom. Apparently her toilet wasn't working, so she came upstairs. Finally, after about 45 seconds of convincing and violent coughing, she came out wheezing with tears pouring from her eyes, and I explained what happened, then decided it was about time to feel like a complete ass. So I did.

And that's the story of how I accidentally tear-gassed my aunt in her own bathroom at 3 am on Saturday.

My Recent Trip to East Germany

So I thought I'd share some of my experiences that I had on my recent trip to East Germany (AKA a warehouse on Delaware Ave.). The night began at the annual B-lud Fooze 'N Booze. Colt burgers were flying off the grill, everyone was downing lamb's blood like it was water, and the cheers from the rattling of the foosball table filled the air.


So after sometime a certain lady friend of mine had ventured over. We foozed, boozed and dance for a good while at the B-lud before she suggested that we head on over to Delaware Ave. and listen to Daniel Bell spin some minimal tech. Sounded like my kind of scene so I agreed. You can see the exact location of the warehouse we went to on this map here (its in the center of the orange portion of the map here--->).


We had found out that it was BYOB, so we decide not to loose our buzz and walked over to the neighborhood pizzeria and picked up some more beer. While waiting in line I saw a member of one of my classes just hanging out. What he was doing around there, I have no idea. (side note: he was kicked out of on-campus housing for warehousing and arsenal of weapons, which included BB guns and samurai swords). He kept asking me where I was going and I told him to see a dj and that he couldn't come.

What happened next I'm not sure I can fully explain. Somewhere between Spring Garden and Delaware Ave, we arrived at an East German warehouse party.

As we walked into the room there was a thin layer of smoke filling the air. This provided a perfect medium for the lights to become a lasered ceiling creating an uber-cosmic
spatial transcendence; mind numbing to say the least. We danced for a bit and little by little took in this very kraut-esque environment.

I ventured over to restroom as it was time to release some urine. I noticed a guy and gurl in there already and thought nothing of it as there was a stall and urinal and seeing as I really had to go. So as I 'm taking care of business, I hear the distinct sound of the door locking. As I finished up, I turned around and noticed that they had taken out little bags of white powder. Yes thats right as Bull Ruth would put it, "cocaine, AKA blow, AKA yayo, AKA nose candy, AKA coke". They put their keys in their tiny bags and were taking hits off of the their keys. They asked me if I wanted some several times, but I politely responded that I was good for the time being. Eventually I managed to escape the bathroom (without taking any hits).

Following this, I meet back up with my girl and we went to explore one of the side rooms. We notice that there was an open window which lead to the roof. So naturally we went outside. Outside we meet two (actual) East Germans. They were meander about the rooftops of nearby buildings and even managed to climb on some of the billboards of I-95. It was certainly a sight to see.

We ended up staying until about 5:00am; just an hour past the point someone started blowing a whistle along with the music.



It was a perfect night.

Don't worry, I'm a professional.

So I'm working right now. Another one of my forty hour days, as some of you have commented. It's actually only a 2 hour shift, but that's besides the point. And I only get paid $6/hour, even though I was supposed to get a raise, but that is even more besides the point. The point is, I am being paid to sit here by a computer all by myself and essentially blog. I'm almost like a professional writer, because I'm getting money right now.

I feel as though there must be a more cost efficient method than this. Clearly, I am not needed. I could easily be replaced by virtually nothing. People could do themselves what I am paid to do for them. I work at the student rec center, for those out in the blog-o-sphere that do not know. I check out equipment, like basketballs and racquets. That's pretty much it. So when I'm here I normally just do the following:
1. Check my email at leeeeast 25 times.
2. Facebook stalk almost every person I'm "friends" with.
3. Watch Arrested Development on SideReel.com (good website, check it out).
4. Stare aimlessly into space.
5. Sleep off my hangover (Sunday morning shifts only).
6. Anything but homework.

And now, I can blog. What a life.

Side notes:
In my eyes, dancing in heels is the equivalent of like, cross country skiing. My thighs and ankles hate me right about now. I feel like I was doing wall sits all night. Good thing I was drunk.
Gin buckets are what I like to call "dangerously good". And I believe there are quite a few people hugging the toilet this morning that will agree with me on that one.
I went to a surprise party last night where the birthday girl was actually surprised. I feel like this never happens anymore, and is therefore worthy of being mentioned.
YouTube is hands down one of the world's greatest inventions. I could watch those German crazy frog kids for hours. That damn rope swing gets me every time. Like, where does it even come from?!
Last night, I ran the pong table with my sister. Total sibling domination. It was a great feeling. I feel confident passing her the torch of my pong legacy after my cup sinking days are over. We beat a couple of black football players. I love winning.

Discussion Topic: I might head up to the City of Brotherly Love next weekend. Thoughts?

Comedic Commercials

Enjoy!

something something.. rasputin.. something something.. fossilized penis

Look at me! I'm AWESOME!

worship me for i am a singing panda bear

FDA

FROSH DUKE ASS!

Aint nothing wrong with that.

desperate housewives

ok so my day yesterday was going pretty casual.  I got my new pair of sneakers from j-crew which happen to be a patchwork pattern, pretty neat, I was excited to wear em.  So then dinner comes around and momma and poppa wanna take me out since I'm home.  I have no objections, we go get a nice dinner and our typical casual restaurant.  

Then my pops throws a curveball and says he has tickets to an art auction.  Naturally, I'm pretty beat from the entire day of sitting around and watching Live free or die hard, so I was a little skeptical.  I ended up tagging along with the notion that we leave 45 minutes after we get there. As I'm in there walking around this room with this guy whose ranting about some monet lookalike, I notice the entire back row are all these cougars who literally just did a shoot on desperate housewives, you know, the fake tits, drinking their wine, clearly talking about everyone else in the room.  

As if this doesn't convince you, there is a raffle table, which is like the only thing that I'm interested in at this place.  So I'm looking at the Wii stand and ipod, as well as the baseball tickets,  then out of nowhere, cougar numero 7 comes walking up to me and says, "Hey, I'm Anne-Marie, I really like those shoes, let me see them, do you surf?"  I said no not really and then she continues to go into about how all of her friends surf and asked me if I ever venture over to LBI, by the way at this point I didn't tell her my name and am trying really hard to get out of this situation, she starts telling me where she lives bla bla bla, when all of a sudden, my life savior comes to my rescue,  that's right momma ToPsYtURvY comes up to my side noticing the situation and and asks the lady how she knows me, clearly as confused as I am about why this 40 year old mom is starting up this peculiar conversation.... Anne-Marie replies with "Oh I don't I was just starting up casual conversation" (who says that).  Then anne- marie responds to me saying I'm pretty tired I think we're leaving soon (get the hint woman) she comes back with "Oh you gotta be like 26 years old, you don't have to sleep" (my mom got a little upset over this and tells her I'm still and college) I take this opportunity to get out of there.... That was my night...poppa Top bought an Elvis painting by the way, thank god too or I wouldn't have had an excuse to get away from that lady.

Drunk and Mom are not a good combination....so lay off the booze Desperate Housewives and leave the drinking to your daughters.

anyway I guess it was my shoes.

Shimmy and Shake,

ToPSYTurVY

nyc nightmare

so me and a couple of the roommates decided on a whim to do a night trip to new york city since a friend of a friend goes to NYU. all in all, the trip sucked. wasted lots of money, drank very little, met a lot of pretentious NYU bitch girls with their Chanel purses and i'm-too-cool-for-you attitudes. so we all decided to hop on a train back at about 4 in the morning. in our tired, frustrated, and angry states, we met a man in Penn Station as we were waiting in line for a couple of bottles of water. in short, he was definitely experiencing some type of encephalopathy because he was acting like a lunatic, not to mention his outfit. so me and the other girls just briefly look at him to assess the level of his psychosis and he screams "STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE I'M UGLY! I'M NOT UGLY!" take a quick glance at the picture above and you tell me that doesn't deserve a double take when you're buzzed at 4 am in a train station. thank god the psycho didn't have a gun, at least to my knowledge.

p.s. this picture actually is quite accurate, except that there was a feather in his hat and one pant leg was rolled up to reveal a striped sock.

water bed anyone?!?

This is a genius idea....make sure that you watch the last 30 seconds....the bigger they are the harder they fall.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vdDMpx7e-0I

Junior in real life?

Well, all I have to say is...     he/she is no Arnie. And that's the truth. I don't get how someone with no scrumdiddlyumpcious can be considered a man. Just because she doesn't have boobs doesn't mean she's not a chick. Geez...

"Dude" gets pregnant

Jumping off the page.

So last night we went to watch 21.  I loved it, especially since it brings back my own personal memories of Vegas.  Without giving away anything, I think it's important to note that everyone in the entire movie was wearing Hawkeye's clothes.  Every character had the sweatshirt/puffy vest combo on.  It was an honor to be sitting next to a real life Ben Campbell.  

After, we thought about making an excursion to AC, our plan was thwarted by The Culinary Colt who was having a little beer shindig at his ol' place.  We went with the intention of maintaining our sobriety, but little did we know that the real 5th member of Team Tupp was already there.  Yeah that's right, no offense to Chuck, Pickles, or Johnny Beerseed, but the BOOZE was the real 5th member.

By the way April 3rd was the worst day of the year, first of all it had to rain, second of all the stupidity that ran my day was ridiculous, I believe it was Einstein that said, God limited man's intelligence...he should've done the same with his stupidity.  I had to deal with the biggest group of a-holes that don't know their ass from their elbow.  To think these kids are going to be graduating in a month and don't know the basic fundamentals of their studies.

Today's band of the day is The Apples in Stereo.

Shimmy and Shake,

ToPSyTuRVy

brian's other half?

blue is the new black?

"must blog" content

http://youtube.com/watch?v=qBXr15K2uSc

somebody teach me how to embed videos
and somebody tell me what song is playing in the video

BREAKIN DA LAW, BREAKIN DA LAW

heres my first music post

i felt like everyone should download this, so i uploaded it, and im posting it.

Charles Manson - Sings
http://www.mediafire.com/?rmyb43l4dw4

dont be intimidated, its actually pretty good.

Sixers Winning Streak = Local Children Losing Streak

Back in December, most Philadelphians would rather risk standing on a street corner at 4pm (aka getting shot) than go see the Philadelphia 76ers play basketball.  At this time, the rat bastards in the Sixers promotions department decided to run a contest to local area schools in which those who put the most effort into jumping rope before the year ended would be given free passes to almost any sixers game this season.  The 25,000 students at those schools were given vouchers to almost any sixers game then wanted, including the four remaining home games this season.  

But all the sudden, the perennial limp dicked sixers stood erect and started a tear of a winning stretch, going 18-5 in February and March putting themselves in prime position to make the playoffs....


Finally, the children were interested in cashing in their once worth-as-much-as-a-bojangle-coupon-in-Connecticut voucher to see the Andres (Miller & Iguadola for all of you out of towners) role into the playoffs.  But these missed oppurtunities at abortions were saddened to find that once again the athletics higher-ups told them "maybe next year."  The vouchers are no longer redeemable since all of the games are sold out, but they can use them next year...

Well I have two words for you, child hater/Hitler act-a-like, Pat Croche...

PHUCK YOU!!

Philadelphia Parking Perils

Is everyone behind the wheel of a car in philadelphia retarded???  So here's my day....

Roll over at 5:45ish AM and realize my car is parked illegally from last night's fooozeball table drop off (see future post, I know past event in the future???), so I go out and move it forward into a legal spot, only to find out my obviously illegal immigrant of a landlord has taken off to India for the month, and has double parked his international sex slave trade van in front of my house.  I can deal with that though, i just move in front of it, since there are spots a plenty in front of me, however I'm steamed by his a-hole move, and can't fall asleep till 7am.

9:15 rolls around and I'm once again awoken from my slumber by the cries of pain from a certain husky roommate with a lower abdomen ailment.  He needs a ride to the hospital, and I am more than glad to give him one, but had to drive around the lot 5 times to find a spot (my stupidity I'll own up to that).  He gets sent home after his kidney stone passes, and we park down the block at 11:15 am.  Now here's where my day really begins....

Around noon he moves his car to prepare for class, and I take his "park all day for free" spot.  When I go to my car I have a ticket, for get this....over the 2 hour limit.  When did 45 mins become the new 2 hours, oh it says I've been parked there from 8:40 until 12:10...Could have sworn I was in the hospital for some of that time, but maybe I'm crazy.  So anyway I go to move the car, and as I let a car pass me instead of sitting behind as I slowly try to fit a large purple minivan into a much to small spot, some a-hole in a red sportscar slides in face first and steals my spot (does this a-hole really need to take a spot from me, I mean he clearly already has my dignity with his flashy car compared to my aunt's old van), so I go to another spot on my block and park.

Go to my car for class, and I have another ticket from 12:10-2:25, but once again car was clearly not parked. So I go to class pissed as fawk, and listen to some old washed up industry woman ramble about herself for a half hour.  If you've never seen a 55 year old women toot her own horn, its as bad as it sounds.  So now I come back from class, to park on the park for free street, and there's a spot, and guess who its in front....Johnny Flash and his faggot ass sports car, so in an attempt to fit my van into the large spot in front of it I make sure i fiercly back into his car 3 times leaving a nice sized dent.  Now that's kharma for you, huh Earl?

Either way, I have 56 dollars of fines to pay to Philadelphia, or a court date on the Friday of Memorial day weekend (court date it is), and I'm royally cheesed right now.  Somebody get me some vodka.  

Thursday afternoon haiku

We may never die

But we probably both will

So let's play checkers.

TorieTabloid.org -- Post 1

From the 21st century delight that is The CW, I present to you the first of many epic tales about the comings and goings of the Tories. Ladies and Gentlement...I give you...TorieTabloid.org

Ben Franklin spotted climbing out the window of Betsy Ross's house. Let's hope Deborah Franklin doesn't find out. Ben has only been out of rehab for two weeks -- is he already going back to his old womanizing and boozing ways?

Sally Hemmings is preggers again. Has TJ still not learned that the Dairy Queen will get knocked up if the Burger King doesn't wrap his whopper?

Abraham Lincoln was seen wearing moccasins. Has somebody been fraternizing with the Indians?

Witch List:
Bridget Bishop
Alison Carter
Shannon Murphy
...be careful or they may turn you into a newt! If you spot a possible witch, the best thing to do is to hide your cattle (or the witches will turn the milk) and to find a large wooden stake, some garlic, and a cross. Silver bullets are also recommended, but if you can't find one, a brass bullet will do.


Muskets and roses,
Lambsblood27

http://kissingwithross.com/

fuck these people

WE NOW HAVE AN ENEMY

http://www.bloggingtories.ca/

LETS MAKE SURE THEY END UP IN THE DUMPSTER!!!

retro-pop culture revolution part 1

As I gazed upon the pillar of subtle, hardware-oriented humor known as Tool Time and reflected on my own recent manliest of manly expeditions to the colonial town of Williamsburg, VA, the inspiration for my first entry came: the Tim Allen grunt.  This is a weapon in our male communication arsenal that has surely been underutilized.  The time has come to start affirming the burly behavior of our chest-haired brethren with a solid, animalistic series of grunts from the depths of our beer bellies - whether it be building something, blowing something up, pounding an inordinate amount of booze, gettin a beej, or just bustin' on some chick (however under no circumstances shall "broing out" be worthy of a grunt).  What worth do a man's actions have if they do not solicit the approval of his fellow dick-wielding warriors?  I say very little.  One may point to other gestures of male satisfaction.  But I contend high fiving and fist pumps do not capture the raw emotion of the TA grunt, especially with the gays recent attempts to claim hand gestures (soul poles excluded).  I am calling all men away from arms and to their guts, reach deep down and bellow out those grunts as the tool man taught us.  

PS. With respect to the no-underwear-showing-pants law - this is clearly an attempt to stifle the male of the species from two of his most defining activities - checking out fine ass and showing plumber's crack.  Also, myself and topsyturvy would be imprisoned for life.  

detox

day 3 of sobriety....It sucks.  I've had the sweats 7 times, blacked out twice, and thrown up countless times on countless people.

Blackout #2 was pretty funny.  It happened in front of a little old lady coming out of the supermarket, she scooped me up ,hayden style ; ) and put me in her cart and rolled me to her car, she ended up feeding me gizzards, now i don't know if i started throwing up from the detox or the half pound of raw gizzards that were settling in my stomach but it happened and Dolores, my new friend, cleaned me up a little bit with her brand new Brawny paper towels...they really are the quicker picker upper.  

So if you're wondering how my parking lot date ended up, Doly decided she'd had enough of my sorry ass and directed the cart, which I was still sitting in, towards the cart collection thing.  I got hit up by a car, but its cool cuz the guy said he'd offer to buy me a 40 of none other but colt 45....I mean seriously, broken leg or not, how could i turn down a delicious colt 45, plus what are the odds that this guy had a bunch in his car...he drove me home.

so end of story i got a new friend named "OG", its short for the original gangsta, but his real name is Darrel Seamus Butler III.  I didnt drink the colt 45 but am keeping it in my spice cabinet.

Shimmy and Shake,

TopSYTuRvY

THIS IS A HUGE "BLOW" TO DRUGGIES

The largest drug bust in the history of Philadelphia took place today. Approximately 600 lbs. of cocaine, AKA blow, AKA yayo, AKA nose candy, AKA coke, was found in a house at 26th and Federal in South Philly.

Personally, for me, I think this is the end of my clubbing. If the pigs are gonna fuck up my flow like that, how the fuck am I supposed to get amped enough to make it all the way down to Fishtown or South Philly to lose my dignity and flail my arms in celebration of the almighty banger?

The Philadelphia Police Department really schruted this one. I can't even imagine how much the city will lose in revenue due to the police's sanctified duty to protect the public. Fuck the public. Give me a line.

Meeting of the Minds

This is what its like watching Big John and Little John (Sweeney) together.

Did the midget in the purple suit leave the box for the Pope?

Today, I finally perfected my ability to make objects disappear (or at least started it). I will forever be able to look back on this day as the day that I didn't have to throw away my trash from Quizno's -- because I disappeared it! I will now be able to win any pong game, and after a little practice, I'll start substituting things (water into wine, milk into beer, regular burgers into Colt 45 burgers, and all that). I'm also going to hit up capital hill and make some much needed changes. Nebraska will undergo a ban on watermelon slices on Wednesdays in public places (though it's ok if they are in the proper plastic container). I think this law has been a long time coming. Minnesota residents must also get licenses for each mosquito living on their property and they have to wear collars (the residents, not the mosquitos -- that would just be silly). Since the letter "x" is totally, useless, it will be removed from the alphabet. Ditto the use of "ph" instead of "f." You can eckspect my future posts to include these fonetically sound spellings. Also, all Torie activity will be ecksplicity monitored in "torietabloid.org." We can't trust those lobsterbacks.

As the filosofer, Jean-Jaques Rousseau said in his 1974 "Treatise on the use of a Spoon," I say to you now, "Beam me up, Scottie."

Over and out,
Lambsblood27

Laughable Laws

Hey world, here's my new segment on some of the more ridiculous laws that I are actually being enforced in America...

Today's laughable law comes to us from the same city that has brought us *NSync, Mickey Mouse, and Universal Studios has now brought us this law.  According to a site that came up when I was google searching beltless jeans, Orlando has approved a bill that would not allow the wearing of pants so low that it would make the undergarments exposable.  This is not a basis for any sort of criminal enforcement, but rather suspension from schools.

The NAACP feels this law is "clearly discriminatory."  Well I find that ridiculous.  Let's be honest, african americans aren't going to be the ones caught by this new law, they're shirts are more than long enough to cover their undergarments.  It's the women's/low rise jean wearers that will be effected by this, a vast majority of which will be white.  I couldn't be more in agreeance with this philosophy, of keeping underwear UNDER the pants, but I think under the pants is one place the Government shouldn't be poking around!

newbie doobie jewbie goobie

hola it's me, the goob. i like to pretend that the stuff on your right is super good, except it tastes like super poo. i wipe people's butts and have a problem with jews for no apparent reason. guess whooooooo......

Dark Knight pictures leaked!!!!!!!

This is amazing. These pictures look sick. I am so stoked for this movie. I haven't been this stoked since the Japanese version of the collector's edition of the deluxe extended director's cut Return Of The King was released in England. Check them out, the costumes look pretty great:

Dark Knight Pics

linus.

Is it really just a game?

As I watched the oiled up rods spin, flicking balls and breaking hearts, I couldn't help but think: "What are we except little lifeless, plastic men, spinning on sticks?"

Unable to move our hands away from our sides. What about balancing? We have no need to balance ourselves. These metal rods have become one with us, keeping us straight, but also dictating every move we make. And who has their sweaty hands on the rubber grips? What monster is controlling us?

But one must ask...   Is it better to live on a pole in ignorance, or fully aware of the forces controlling and manipulating your every move?

I don't know if I'm ready to answer these questions. All I know how to do is get that little white, round piece of hard plastic in to the carved out hole in front of me. That little goal that I'll never reach, and I'll never touch. I just do my job of getting the ball there. Is there any other option? Will I ever be that ball, rolling so gracefully past the lone defender in to the pit I've never touched with my own hands...

I'll never know. I'm just a man on a pole.

Reverse Dictionarying

No No. This isn't the next Bob Barker. But rather this comes from an article from dictionary.com (Who apparently are bloggers as well).

Here's what its all about though, "As a lexicographer, I share the common frustration of trying to find the word for what you mean, locating the precise word for what you want to say. For those like me who have an idea, concept, or definition but who do not know, cannot remember, or are uncertain of the word, we offer help in the form of the Dictionary.com Reverse Dictionary."

You can read the rest of the article here, There IS a Word For You, or check out some hot reverse dictionary action here, Reverse Dictionary.

This should help containing some of the inevitable lexical madness.

Funny things that other people wrote

I know that I shouldn't be promoting other blogs besides our own, butttt you should probably check this out.

stuffwhitepeoplelike.com

human alarm clock

My phone has been dead for several days leaving me with no alarm clock, my charger is lost on the other side of Walt Whitman's Bridge, and my clock in my room doesn't have an alarm. Therefore, I am stuck with having to make sure I jump out of bed hours before I want to because if I fall back asleep there is no chance of me waking up in time for class. Just to add to this I stress for a good 30 minutes after I wake up and worry that I'll fall back to sleep. Besides that nightmares haunted my sleep and I woke up to some Ethiopian cutting down a tree as my window was wide open.


I am a human alarm clock and my name is Topsyturvy

Shimmy and Shake

HTTP HaHa's

http://randomgiraffefacts.com/

This website is self explanatory. Enjoy.

In the shadow of evermore...

I wait. My heart inches away from standing still...

allowing my blood to stand still in my cold, pale body drenched in a tepid sweat. My tired blood, combating its coldness with a heavy acid-like burning, reminding me that it was never meant to be in my veins in the first place.

Did I regret what I did? 

No. 

At the first sign of danger that whore would have turned around and done the same to me. At least this way I don't have to deal with Carl and his obsessions...    Tonight I get to drive home alone. That's all I ever asked for. I just wanted to drive alone, and put whatever the hell I wanted on the stereo.

I guess I'll never have to listen to anyone's music again...

Not in this car.

Befuddled

I'm confused. What is going on here? Who are you people?

Lemons

I will periodically be posting issues that I find either troubling, or just need a good rant.  Today's issue...lemon slices served with glasses of water.  I have no problem with this being done, if a person asks for water with lemon, but when and where did someone decide that an order of water assumes with a slice of lemon.  It seems wasteful.  It also completely corrupts the pure taste of the water, with its lemon flavor.  And once you do finally take it off the glass where do you put the lemon, on the table....ARE WE RAISED BY WOLVES????   This is what's destroying society as far as I see it.

My New Name!!!!

***********ATTENTION*************
I decided to change my internet name. In honor of this day (APRIL 2) in 1980 when president Jimi Carter signed the Crude Oil Windfall Profits Tax Act my new "handle" will be "~X~windfall~X~"
***************OKAY****************

Auditory Update 1

Auditory Updates will help your ears adjust to modern society by giving you something to listen to besides memories of the sweet Utahian wilderness.




The winter of dull uninspired music seems to be coming to a close. A few new releases have caused our ears to start blossoming with excitement.

First off, as you already heard, the Vampire Weekend record rules. But its really starting to come into heavy rotation as a more mild climate sweeps in the nation's original capital (215).


This is sure to be blastin' at upcoming cookouts with a shirtless Moff.

Next up, Cut Copy's highly anticipated In Ghosts Colours. WOW! This album rules. They've really stepped it up since Bright Like Neon Lights. The album has a lot of upbeat dancey tracks on it. And on top of that it has incredible flow; its almost like listening to a mixtape. Definitely an album on par with The Tough Alliance, but it'll get more play that just on the way to Izzy and Zoey's.

Also, they just got added to Pitchfork so thats awesome too.

Finally, the spring/summer house anthem.......

HAPPY HOUSE - The Juan Maclean

DFA records have been spot on this year. And Happy House is definitely proof of that. The beat is pulled from an older house track Do It Now - Dubtribe Sound System. But what really makes this song next level are the vocals by Nancy Whang. When you hear "launch me into Spppppppppaaaaaaaacccccccccceeee" you will certainly transcend this plain of existence. It's already tearing up spots around here and will continue to do so well past your return east. This album is gonna rule.

five stars

Well to say the least, while you were in Utah, I shaved my head, put it on youtube, and became an online celebrity, instantly...well still working on the instant celebrity part but I just hit 1000 hits in under 24 hours of my first airing. The market seems open to this new radical idea of shaving hair.. Either way its backed by my new favorite song, Watch the Tapes (lcd soundystem) and I'm really enjoying all the popularity. I mean the idea that 1000 people have watched me shave my head is pretty damn gratifying.

On other terms, college road trips are what March was all about, Hawkeye and myself carried a steady aura of havoc everywhere we went.

Well until next time,

Shimmy and shake,

Topsyturvy

Ah, the world's mysteries

Hi there! I'm blog poster DOVETAIL and I will be bringing you along on my "bard's tale" regarding the life and times of none other than...........MYSELF!!! I will be living my daily life as if nothing was happening here on the "internet" and chronicling my encounters with situations from places like Left Field and Out Of This Ballpark!!! That is to say, I will be telling you about strange things from my every day life, like our ghost named DANIEL who has BECOME DISGRUNTLED SINCE BRIAN LEFT.

Daniel the ghost has become unruly and truly despicable in the days after Brian's departure and has taken a liking to crashing down upon each floor of the house on an hourly basis. Daniel the ghost has not responded to anti-ghost fumigation campaigns contracted by the homeowners. Daniel the ghost is becoming increasingly despondent as days pass. It is unlikely that Daniel the ghost will remain on good terms with the homeowners. Daniel the ghost Daniel the ghost Daniel the ghost has fallen Daniel the ghost Daniel the ghost

As our mired footsteps pass heavily over the paths of life, we encounter curiosities--caveats ad infinitum.

My First Blog

I'm a stranger to the intriguing world of blogs, so this is my humble attempt to convey my thoughts about life, society, metaphysics, music, pop culture, colonial times, or whatever comes to mind.  I guess the place to start would be describing myself.  My name is Hawkeye, I have no age, and I am currently residing on the Eastern Coast of The United  States.  I believe that the world is a mysterious place, and here we will attempt to point out and then fully explain these mysteries.