Well, apparently it was a wild weekend in Torie Land. That said...I give you the newest happenings in the CW. Who doesn't like a good dose of drama?
ALEXANDER HAMILTON got tanked at the Shield's Tavern and ended up getting a RUI (Riding Under the Influence) and charges of assault and horse-thievery. After a wild night out with the boys, Hammy decided that it was best to go home after he peed in the fireplace. The stable boy refused him to give him his horse -- somehow the complicated series of jockey impersonations did not convince the kid that Hammy was still good to ride. However, if this guy can take a bullet, he can take on a stable boy: Hammy used his silver pint mug to knock out the kid. He then hopped on a noble steed and rode (I use this term loosely) away. Too bad it wasn't his horse. The Governor's Guard caught up with him while he was riding down Duke of Gloucester St. Apparently they had set up a road block and were pulling over all men riding their horse backwards. Personally, I think that's profiling.
Alexander Hamilton wasn't the only one to get an RUI this weekend. After a Torie bartender tried to cut off PAUL REVERE at John's Pub, Paul got very pissed about the British Invasion and started riding around town, yelling that "I am tired of these mother-fucking Tories in my mother-fucking town!" A member of the Governor's Guard was able to stop him/knock him off the horse by throwing a lantern at Paul. Said the guardsman, "Well, if I recall correctly, I'm supposed to use one if by land."
Apparently, BENJAMIN FRANKLIN wasn't pleased about not getting tail with Debbie or any of his one-night stands this weekend. After getting drunk with Hammy on Saturday night, Ben was walking home and passed a pumpkin patch on the way. After finding a pumpkin that suited his "need," he cut a hole and went to town. He didn't notice one of the aforementioned Governor's guards coming up to him. After the guard yelled at him to stop and get away from the pumpkin, Ben stood up, looked at the cop, looked back to the pumpkin, then looked at the cop straight in the eye and responded, "Fuck. Is it midnight already?" He is being charged of public intoxication, adultery, and indecent exposure.
Don't do snuff.
lambsblood27
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